


Carry On

by MosImagination



Series: Marvel fanfics [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes Returns, Depression, Guilt, Hurt Bucky Barnes, M/M, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 22:07:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7332454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MosImagination/pseuds/MosImagination
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky comes back, but can't handle how many he has killed.<br/>Steve needs him there.<br/>But Bucky leaves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carry On

**Author's Note:**

> I just couldn't help but write it after watching this Bucky Barnes fanmade music video. 
> 
> link: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oAeYDRhKJSY
> 
> The video made me think, what if Bucky is completely consumed by his guilt. So I wrote this.

Steve walked to buckys door. He knocked softly then opened the door. 

Steve saw his boyfriend sitting numbly in the chair by the window. 

"Hey buck..." Steve sighed and walked up to him, he smiled when he kneeled down besides the chair and held out a small cup of chick noodle soup. 

"I made you this, thought you'd try to eat today.." Steve whispered and touched buckys skin arm. He saw how his boyfriend flinched and whined. 

"Buck...it's been too long..please just this cup full. God I'd be so happy." Steve whispered to him and watched how Bucky turned his head towards Steve. Bucky face showed depression, his eyes showed no light, only broken Darkness. 

He'd been like this for three weeks, since Steve brought him home to an apartment he had hidden. 

Steve whined and sat up, kissing buckys cheek. "I love you...nothing..nothing could ever change that.." Steve spoke proudly, he could never stop loving Bucky. It would be too hard. 

Bucky sighed and reached over, cupping Steve's face with his metal hand. Bucky hadn't spoken, it burned Steve's heart deeply. 

"A spoonful?" Steve begged. Bucky sighed and opened his mouth slightly, Steve pushed the spoon within slowly. Bucky cleaned the spoon and swallowed. He then opened his mouth once more. Steve smiled and continued feeding him. 

~~ 

Bucky stared numbly after Steve left again. He wanted to cry, but he was horrified of his emotions. What if they lead to anger? 

Bucky didn't wanna hurt another person. When he was alone he learned how many people he had killed. 

He had taken them down, he was destroyed with heartlessness with each kill. 

When He saw Steve and remembered their sweet moments together, he was rewarded in pain and a memory wipe. 

He had been tortured at the thought of loosing the memory of his lover. How could he just let the memories be torn from him? 

They were... 

He had tried to harm Steve once more until the end. When he dragged Steve from the water, he laid with him and waited for him to wake up 

When Steve woke up, he kissed Bucky softly and had told him about taking him away and creating a life with him. 

But as the weeks went on, Bucky tortured himself, the memories of each kill slicing through him. 

Steve had put Bucky in the outfit of a loose black tank top, and dark grey shorts. At night Steve would change Bucky into his pjs and then sleep in bed with him. 

Steve fed Bucky, he bathed him, he dressed him, he read to him, and even told him stories from their life. 

But Bucky was destroyed with the pain of his assassin lifestyle. 

~~ 

Steve heard a low bang from the bedroom, he dropped the tea cup of soup and ran quickly. 

He found Bucky, laying on the floor, a gun in his metal hand. 

"Bucky no!!" Steve cried and kneeled by his side. Bucky had shot himself in the chest. Bucky choked heavily on his own blood and watched Steve brokenly. 

"W-what have you done..?" Steve cried and leant in closer, kissing buckys bloodied lips. 

Bucky coughed heavily and watched Steve before he got the strength to speak. "I...I love you...Steve. I have since we were kids.." He cried out in pain. "I...I couldn't do it....anymore.." Bucky held Steve's hand and gave him a weak smile, "n-note.." He pointed to his pillow on the bed, where an envelope rested . 

Steve snuggled into him, "how will I live without you..?.." Bucky held him closer, "y-you...can do anything....I'm with you.." He was cut off as blood poured down his face and into his eyes. "Till...the end of the line.." He whispered with his dying breath. 

 

There Steve laid. His beautiful boyfriend dead underneath him. 

"B-Bucky.." Steve hiccuped and kissed his cheek. "I...I love you.." Steve couldn't handle his pain as he looked down towards buckys beautiful face. 

~~ 

Bucky was buried a week later. 

A few of the avengers came to see how Steve was. 

Natasha and Sam told him he should come to the stark tower. But Steve said he wanted to live in the apartment alone. 

~~ 

Once getting home from the funeral, Steve finally opened the envelope. 

He looked at buckys sloppy writing and chuckled weakly. "Oh Bucky.." He whispered them begun to read. 

"Dear Steve.  
I know it must seem like you are alone, but you are not. You also may be pissed at me, because I know....I went somewhere without you... I am sorry. 

But listen. It's not me dying. Because on the outside, I'm the winter soldier, the man who killed all those people. You do not wanna be seen dating him. 

I'm still with you, because inside, I'm still the man who took you dancing every Friday night. I'm still the man who kissed you in the movie theater and gave you stealthy handjobs in restaurants. 

And I love you. Stay strong. I'll see you in your dreams Stevie, and I'll see you at the end of the line. 

Love your forever boyfriend, 

Bucky Buchanan Barnes. " 

Steve smiled at the note and leant back. 

"I love you jerk..." Steve whispered and curled up, kissing the letter as he passed out into a heavy rest.

**Author's Note:**

> *hands tissue box* it's okay guys


End file.
